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(New alien height newspaper boxes should sound the alarm)
To read more about newspaper box blight read derivative works |
In order to increase readership the Onion and the Reader have joined forces to create the first double decker newspaper box. The Onion and Reader have decided that in order to be fair fifty percent of the time the Onion will be on top and the fifty percent the Reader. "Its a win win situation", the Onion's president said this Saturday morning, "especially in the advent that our current projections from the Onion's genetic scientists that humans will continue to become taller each successive generation are correct."
This writer spoke with Mr Onion Onionsen ( the president of the Onion) over a webchat earlier today, "This gives us a higher profile with readers. Of course we have learned through trial and error that these boxes have to be welded together and then welded to an iron fence or some such thing. Earlier models were simply makeshift and high winds or clumsy humans would cause them to tip over and injure passerby." Referring to customers as humans leads this writer to believe that the Onion might actually be a propaganda tool run by aliens. Later on in the webchat Mr Onionsen wished to take a break, instead of the screen going blank like usual it was still on. This writer saw him speaking in an inhuman voice to someone off camera. He then took a live rat by the tail, his jaw came unhinged and he ate it whole.
These extra-terrestrials will slowly change modern society to suite their needs until its too late. They are already here publishing the Onion to gain a foothold on Earth. Through their sarcastic fake news they lull the earth men into a false sense of security. When actual papers start publishing more and more bizarre Onion like stories the common man will simply write that off as desperate reporters aping the style of the Onion for sales, but in reality its really the aliens taking over.
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